For the Rocky Virgins

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST IS NOT FOR THE YOUNG, THE FAINT OF HEART, OR THE PRUDISH. CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Hello to all of you. This post if mainly for those of you who are coming to my Rocky Horror Picture Show bash and are at a loss when it comes to the required costume. Allow me to enlighten all you Rocky Virgins. Costumes range from classic dorky attire to raunchy fishnets and bustiers. And I can guarantee that you have something in your closet or the local goodwill that will suffice. This is not a high dollar event! Just tons of inappropriate fun!

So let the Rocky tutorial begin.

First of all, note that all costumes work for males and females- it all depends on how brave you are!

Let's begin easy (and I do mean easy!).

Brad and Janet.

Brad- his costumes range from a tux, complete with a plaid cummerbund and bow tie, to a tan jacket with slacks, to a lab coat and tidy whiteys, to a blue silky robe, to the fishnets, heals, and bustier combo. Don't forget his ever-present black frame glasses.

Next is Janet. She starts out this sweet, naive thing. A pink or purple dress- think 1960's good girl- complete with white hat and handbag.

She also sports a lab coat over her white bra and slip. She actually spends quite a lot of screen time in that bra and slip combo (slut!).

She does wear, for a very short time, a pink silky robe. And, it goes without saying that she ends up in the fishnets and garters outfit. (basically, the fishnets and garters thing can be used for any and every character, so I'm going to stop adding that)

Another easy to find costume is for a "random partier" or freak. Black pants, black jacket, vest, crazy hair and cheap/crazy sunglasses, party hat, and you're set.

Dr Scott is one of those characters that is easy enough to portray. He is in a wheelchair, but you don't need to go that far in your costuming (unless you really want to!). Glasses, mustache, suit jacket, button down shirt and an ugly tie. If you want to be authentic, you could wear fishnets and heals too.

We shall now move on to Columbia. Her most well known outfit is the gold sparkly tap dance outfit.

However, she does have the more simplistic - 2 piece button down pajamas (gray with little vertical stripes if you've got em) and mickey mouse ears. You could also don a white apron and doctors mask. Don't forget to slick the bright red hair back!

Did you know that Meatloaf graced this film with his presence? But don't worry, he gets cut out before he has to wear the fishnets and corset! The character Eddie is a bad ass motorcycle rider with a black leather jacket, jeans, and a saxophone. Add a bloody horizontal cut across your forehead, and you are ready to rock.

Magenta comes next.

Her most well known outfit is her "french maid" look.

However, she is seen throughout the film in flimsy black outfits, so anything in that realm will work. She also wears the white apron and mask. But no Magenta costume is complete without the crazy red hair, white face, dark eye makeup, and blood red lips. (Incidentally, Magenta's are the oh-so-famous "lips" that everyone associates with Rocky)

And you can't have Magenta without her incestuous brother Riff Raff.

The sallow, hunchbacked Transylvanian has a fairly easy costume for the majority of the show- black pants, black jacket, grimy white vest- just don't forget to make your hair as nasty as possible- stringy and greasy.

A white face and dark circles under your eyes wouldn't go amiss either!

For those of you feeling ambitious- you can take on the final appearance of Riff Raff and Magenta. Gold and black "alien take-over" outfits. I will be highly impressed if any of you pull this look off!

Of course, no Rocky Horror Picture Show party would be complete without its namesake! Rocky. Oh, Rocky. That six-pack doesn't quite make up for that bad haircut and the lack of eyebrows. Anyway, for those of you daring enough to spend the evening in shiny gold underwear, here is your time to shine!

Add a bit of blue eyeliner under your eyes, a vacant expression on your face, and you are Rocky. You could cover yourself in ace bandages and be rocky before the reveal, too.

Finally, for those of you brave and freaky enough to try it, there is Frankenfurter.

I would like to take this opportunity to state that Tim Curry is AWESOME. I mean, come on, to have the balls to do Rocky, Annie, the devil in Legend, Pennywise the Clown in IT, and the Rosanne show? Seriously? What kind of crazy range is that?!? Anyway, this is an opportunity to go all out. Of course, he spends most of the film in his favorite outfits- corset's, fishnets, garters, and amazingly high heals- sometimes with accessories like a silver shiny cape or a feather boa.

He has crazy makeup, and a big frizz-ball of black hair.

If you are looking for the tamer side of the wild man, you can wear a green doctors operating gown (kind of like a patients gown, but green like the classic scrubs), a Wilma Flintstone sized pearl necklace, and rubber gloves. But he is wearing his fishnets underneath!

So there you have it- the Rocky rundown! If you have any further questions or need any assistance, just give me a call. Arrival time is 7pm on Friday, October 29th. If you would like to show up earlier for assistance, let me know! Showtime is promptly at 7:30pm.

All I have to say is.... Let there be lips!

Conner

Since I'm on the baby kick, I might as well post some of another adorable little guy. Conner Michael Dunn- son of my friends Shannon and Tim. I got to go visit Shannon while she was vacationing with family in Avon, Colorado, and I got to meet Conner. What a cutie pie! Seriously cute kid. But I'll let you see for yourselves!

Sweet Isaac

This is a little late, but congratulations to my sister and a great big hello to my brand new nephew, Isaac. Happy, healthy, and quite the little sleeper, Isaac has made this family even better-which, let's face it, was pretty difficult to do in the first place. Anyway, welcome to the family little guy. You're in for a bumpy ride- but that just makes it more exciting!

Rain Rain go away!

I was thoroughly excited to get my brand new hammock. I got it last Thursday evening. I set it up right away. Unfortunately, by the time I was finished setting it up, it was pretty dark. So I decided to wait for sunlight and a lovely breeze to enjoy it. I'm still waiting. It has rained or thunderstormed EVERY afternoon since the hammock arrived. Seriously, I moved here because it was supposed to be sunnier than any other state. Apparently, that sun only shines while I'm at work. Then the sky gets sad that I have to come home, and cries all over me and my hammock. But I am desperately clinging to the hope that one day I will come home from work and the sun will still be illuminating the sky, and my hammock will have miraculously dried out from the constant downpours.
The benefit of the rain and thunderstorms is that I can get shots like this. Yes, I was standing out in the rain during a lightning storm with my camera. But don't worry mom, they let us know if the lightning hits within 5 miles of the Academy! I was safe. Well, safe-ish. It's worth the risk.

Everybody caught pregnant!

I find it interesting that all at once, everybody caught pregnant. And oddly enough, everybody had/is having a boy!!! Shannon, Amanda, Lacey, Sarah... Very strange. But fun. So here are a few preggo pics that I shot for my friends Amanda and Lacey. They have since given birth to healthy baby boys within ten days of each other. I have to get a chance to take pictures of the babies, but until then, here are some 'in utero' pics.

My bad!

So I realize I have been totally remiss when it comes to posting on my blog. So much so that I doubt anyone checks it anymore. However, I have resolved to change that. Again. But graduation is over, the boss is back, so I'm no longer dealing with being in charge, I move at the end of the month and I think I finally have a good forth roommate. (In all honesty I have two good forth roommates and have yet to decide which I'm going to pick!) So I should be able to relax soon.I did have a bit of time in a friends house- dog-sitting her five dogs. I was there for about five days, and while I was there, I figured I might as well expand my "pet portraits" portfolio. Ok, so they are more action shots because I didn't feel like setting up all my gear just to have it knocked down by a few of the rascals. However, I feel like they suitably represent their personalities. You be the judge!

the gal behind the camera is ticked off

So you want a post about me, huh? Well, you asked for it. I have a rant that has been dying to get out, and, too bad for you, this is it's venue. This particular pet peeve is about fashion. Now, ya'll know that I'm not a fashion diva like some (Sarah). However, I do occasionally enjoy looking cute. Occasionally. Unfortunately, I have recently gone shopping to get some fun spring stuff. And yes, I mean unfortunately. First of all, there is a total lack of originality. Every rack seems to be a blast from the past. Clothing not just influenced by, but taken directly from past decades. I see the 50's, 60's, 70's, and God help us, the 80's. And not even cute stuff. No. The absolute ugliest stuff. The kind of choices that made me shudder for those who were forced to wear them way back when. Especially from the 80's. I mean, seriously, frills and polka dots, huge noisy prints and shoulder pads, STONE WASHED JEANS!!!! What the hell! I couldn't look cute in that crap even if I tried! Very few people could (Sarah).
That's only part one of the rant. Part two has to do with being a big girl. You know, for a while there, it wasn't so bad being big. Clothes actually started to have some shape and style. Stores were starting to carry bigger shoes that didn't look like boats. I was starting to have some hope. And then this absolutely bass-akwards fashion season started. It's like the stores have reverted to thinking that big girls SHOULD look like couches. "Let's give them some square, boxy tops with a huge, bright pink, floral print, and pants that come up too high and have elastic. Yes! Perfect!" Is this a ploy by the perfect people to make all of the fat people want to commit suicide? If not literally, then fashionably and socially? I had a complete flashback moment the other day. It was like I was 13 again. I go into a store (I would change the store's name to protect the innocent, but I'm not that nice- KOHL's!!!! You suck!! Fire your "Women's Clothing" buyer and hire someone with some taste!!) and they have some really cute stuff...in the "regular" section. So I get excited. Perhaps a spring dress? Perhaps some cute tops with jeans? Surely they would have a comparable selection for us big-boned gals. I don't expect EVERYTHING they have in the normal sizes to be carried over, but at least something to choose from. You see, I had been lulled into hoping by the last few years where stores had been beginning to see the light. So I excitedly roamed the store for my section. I found the section at first by passing a particularly hideous blouse and shuddering. With a sinking feeling, I take a closer look. Yep, size 18. I try to console myself. Of course there are some things that don't match my taste. But as I look up, I am assaulted by rack after rack of ugly. Ok, maybe that's an exaggeration. There weren't that many racks. The section itself can be passed in six steps- no doubt to help cuter people avoid the total eyesore of the section. Here's a hint people: If the clothing makes the models on the tags look like cows in bright loud prints- IT AIN'T A GOOD LOOK!! And seriously people, thick, horizontal stripes? Aside from looking like a four year old boy, why would big girls need to look wider? We don't need any help with that- we've got that down! Everything else looked, well, I'll just say "expletive, expletive". I guess the up side is that any big girls who are nurses are going to have plenty of scrubs to choose from this season. Of course they will look like their great grandmother's love seat with the hot pink florals. But I'm sure the square cut will help to flatter them. If you'll excuse me, I'm having a flashback to the store, and I think I'm going to be sick.
Ok, I'm back. So I wandered the twelve foot square of shopping area that I was allowed, hoping in vain that it was more like a treasure hunt- maybe hidden behind some confidence eating blouse and elastic banded pant combo there was a cute top waiting to be discovered. No such luck. It's bad enough that once you realize that this was the crap you are supposed to wear, that you have to leave the store by passing all of the cute stuff no one thought you deserved. It took every ounce of self control I had not to chew out one of the workers there. I was sorely tempted to take some of the more disgusting pieces from the "Women's" section and put them in the front row of all of the normal section racks. Seriously, if that's what they sold everywhere, the damned store would go out of business faster than you could blink. And you know what- they don't even have an excuse!!! This is a brand spankin new store! It's not like they've had these clothes around forever, and aren't allowed to buy more until the hideous things have gone. Nope. Someone went out and CHOSE for me to look like crap. Thanks. Thanks a lot (dripping with sarcasm). So I think I may choose to boycott Kohls, or harass their corporate office into buying something that would make me feel better about myself, instead of making me feel like diving head-first into a vat of ice cream and staying there for the rest of my days.
Anyway, that is my rant. DOWN WITH KOHLS!!!