the gal behind the camera is ticked off

So you want a post about me, huh? Well, you asked for it. I have a rant that has been dying to get out, and, too bad for you, this is it's venue. This particular pet peeve is about fashion. Now, ya'll know that I'm not a fashion diva like some (Sarah). However, I do occasionally enjoy looking cute. Occasionally. Unfortunately, I have recently gone shopping to get some fun spring stuff. And yes, I mean unfortunately. First of all, there is a total lack of originality. Every rack seems to be a blast from the past. Clothing not just influenced by, but taken directly from past decades. I see the 50's, 60's, 70's, and God help us, the 80's. And not even cute stuff. No. The absolute ugliest stuff. The kind of choices that made me shudder for those who were forced to wear them way back when. Especially from the 80's. I mean, seriously, frills and polka dots, huge noisy prints and shoulder pads, STONE WASHED JEANS!!!! What the hell! I couldn't look cute in that crap even if I tried! Very few people could (Sarah).
That's only part one of the rant. Part two has to do with being a big girl. You know, for a while there, it wasn't so bad being big. Clothes actually started to have some shape and style. Stores were starting to carry bigger shoes that didn't look like boats. I was starting to have some hope. And then this absolutely bass-akwards fashion season started. It's like the stores have reverted to thinking that big girls SHOULD look like couches. "Let's give them some square, boxy tops with a huge, bright pink, floral print, and pants that come up too high and have elastic. Yes! Perfect!" Is this a ploy by the perfect people to make all of the fat people want to commit suicide? If not literally, then fashionably and socially? I had a complete flashback moment the other day. It was like I was 13 again. I go into a store (I would change the store's name to protect the innocent, but I'm not that nice- KOHL's!!!! You suck!! Fire your "Women's Clothing" buyer and hire someone with some taste!!) and they have some really cute stuff...in the "regular" section. So I get excited. Perhaps a spring dress? Perhaps some cute tops with jeans? Surely they would have a comparable selection for us big-boned gals. I don't expect EVERYTHING they have in the normal sizes to be carried over, but at least something to choose from. You see, I had been lulled into hoping by the last few years where stores had been beginning to see the light. So I excitedly roamed the store for my section. I found the section at first by passing a particularly hideous blouse and shuddering. With a sinking feeling, I take a closer look. Yep, size 18. I try to console myself. Of course there are some things that don't match my taste. But as I look up, I am assaulted by rack after rack of ugly. Ok, maybe that's an exaggeration. There weren't that many racks. The section itself can be passed in six steps- no doubt to help cuter people avoid the total eyesore of the section. Here's a hint people: If the clothing makes the models on the tags look like cows in bright loud prints- IT AIN'T A GOOD LOOK!! And seriously people, thick, horizontal stripes? Aside from looking like a four year old boy, why would big girls need to look wider? We don't need any help with that- we've got that down! Everything else looked, well, I'll just say "expletive, expletive". I guess the up side is that any big girls who are nurses are going to have plenty of scrubs to choose from this season. Of course they will look like their great grandmother's love seat with the hot pink florals. But I'm sure the square cut will help to flatter them. If you'll excuse me, I'm having a flashback to the store, and I think I'm going to be sick.
Ok, I'm back. So I wandered the twelve foot square of shopping area that I was allowed, hoping in vain that it was more like a treasure hunt- maybe hidden behind some confidence eating blouse and elastic banded pant combo there was a cute top waiting to be discovered. No such luck. It's bad enough that once you realize that this was the crap you are supposed to wear, that you have to leave the store by passing all of the cute stuff no one thought you deserved. It took every ounce of self control I had not to chew out one of the workers there. I was sorely tempted to take some of the more disgusting pieces from the "Women's" section and put them in the front row of all of the normal section racks. Seriously, if that's what they sold everywhere, the damned store would go out of business faster than you could blink. And you know what- they don't even have an excuse!!! This is a brand spankin new store! It's not like they've had these clothes around forever, and aren't allowed to buy more until the hideous things have gone. Nope. Someone went out and CHOSE for me to look like crap. Thanks. Thanks a lot (dripping with sarcasm). So I think I may choose to boycott Kohls, or harass their corporate office into buying something that would make me feel better about myself, instead of making me feel like diving head-first into a vat of ice cream and staying there for the rest of my days.
Anyway, that is my rant. DOWN WITH KOHLS!!!